it's over! (part I)
i finished my Dip ABRSM examination this morning at around 10.15am! i must say i was not very satisfied with my performance. in fact very unsatisfied, but the important thing is that i tried my best. i think everything just boiled down to lack of experience. i don't do enough recitals, take part in enough competitions/masterclasses and do enough examinations.
proof of this came when for the first time in my entire life, my palms went sweaty! my brother always used to envy my dead-dry hands. well the moment i hit the first note of the Brahms Ballade Energico, my hands started to slip all over the keys. i managed to pull through the Brahms piece, but come Moonlight 3rd mvt (presto agitato, mind you), i was in all sorts of Agitato alright. the fingers would NOT stick! i actually hit a nice loud chord, only to have my slippery fingers slip down a semitone on around 3 notes, producing a rather unpleasant and garish dissonance. after that, everything was just a blur. the handkerchief i brought couldn't absorb much and the palms would not stop sweating. ran through Ravel and Gershwin, concluding my programme with an strained sforzando. ARGH.
with my mind still reeling from the realisation that i had just messed up my recital, the examiners, with what struck my unstable mind as rather Iago-ish behavior (what's the use of smiling smiling and smiling if they're gonna straight fail you?) bombarded my with three questions that struck the exposed hull of my programme and concert notes. the questions were as follows: -
1) 'Your programme struck me as a very Romantic one (Romantic [Brahms], Classical [Beethoven], Impressionist [Ravel], 20th Century [Gershwin]). Could you please explain why you did not select any pieces from the BAROQUE PERIOD?'
- this was exactly what Chel was worried about. my teacher did not really see anything wrong with the programme because she (and I) felt that it covered an adequate range of periods. this i told the examiners, but i was not very convincing. and i couldn't say that i disliked Bach and Baroque music because firstly i would be lying (Bach is nice!), secondly it would sound unprofessional. so there, i was stumped.
2) 'You mentioned in your programme that the Lament -Idyll - Fury form used in the Moonlight was to be used in Beethoven's later works, which later works used this form and could you tell us more about them?'
- my answer :
silence
les adieux?......
silence
no not really.
silence
(examiner) not sure?
(me) uhh yess.. *smacks head.
3) 'Could you tell us more about Brahms' life?'
- i was stumped here too. i totally forgot everything about his early life. i frantically kept reiterating the fact that his life was a sad one (aren't most composers'?) and that he never found his true love, tho he liked Clara Schumann, yada yada.. this was total crap and they did not look convinced.
4) 'Could you tell us more about the pianos during Beethoven's period? Do you know the exact dynamic ranges?'
- i kept repeating the fact that they were not very strong and that Beethoven broke the keys while playing and that they were smaller in length, tonal and dynamic range. this one was bad too. i was so nervous. hell.
things got slightly better after these harrowing questions and i ended off well enough, reminding them that they did not ask me about the pedalling in the Moonlight and explaining, again unconvincingly, why i preferred Brendel's Beethoven playing to Ashkenazy's, my previous favourite. the Quick Study (Sight-Reading) was near flawless, and i must say that that was really the best part of my whole examination. i expected them to give me 30 seconds and they gave me 5 minutes. O merciful British! i hope i can at least pass this one. i actually complained about the loose, uncontrollable piano keys (hey, i can justify this one ok, i don't 'blame my tools' for nothing) to the clerk outside, who, without my knowledge, actually went into the room to inform the examiners of my liability. the examiners told her to tell me that i need not worry as they would 'judge my based on my performance and not the piano'. like that helped at all! how ambiguous! if anything, the clerk's actions may very well have worsened their impression of me! oh well.
went to parkway to eat my favourite Beef Bolognese. it seemed to have taken on a certain blandness, perhaps in light of my dissatisfaction. the ice cream at Venezia Gelatissimo was good, as usual, and that helped ease my anxieties a bit. went home to take the best nap i ever had in weeks before rushing back to sch to take part in the InterHouse Water Polo Championships, which were exhilarating. i really love water polo and if i 1) was not an 'above average' bowler, 2) was not a percussionist, i would DEFINITELY have joined water polo, mainly because one does not get any chance to play the game anywhere else, unless you are a member of a polo-playing club like CSC, SSC, SICC, etc.. i feel in better condition now. i need to re condition myself. being sick for 6 straight weeks really does take its toll on a person's fitness and overall well-being.
whatever it is, i would like to thank a few special people who have helped me along my musical journey:
1) 'Aunty' Merie Jusuf, my teacher, mentor and best friend. would not be where i am now without her. she taught me more than music and being able to appreciate classical music is an art i am glad to have learnt from her.
2) Chelsea Wee Lin Yu. i don't know what i'd do without her in all seriousness. serious.
3) Yi Ming, Woo (did i get it right?), for last minute tips. the evidence is in the tagboard. ahaha.
4) Vladimir Ashkenazy, Vladimir Horowitz, Evgeny Kissin, Alfred Brendel, Samson Francois, Angela Hewitt, Claudio Arrau, Pascal Roge, Idil Biret, amongst many other inspirational artistes.
5) Ludwig van Beethoven, Johannes Brahms, Maurice Ravel, George Gershwin, Sergei Rachmaninov, Frederyk Chopin, Franz Liszt, Modeste Mussorgsky, amongst many other inspirational composers.
all this thanking makes me look like i'm some kind of superstar on top of the world, but i must make it clear that where i am now in my musical journey, tho not very high up, is somewhere i am proud to be in. being able to appreciate, and even better, play music, is something i would never, ever want to exchange for anything in the world.
right now, the A levels await. i was thinking of it as an RTS game of epic proportions, with A level success being the main quest and everything else, like CCAs being the side quests. as of late, especially after my Perth trip, i have come to question this analogy. i hope that most of you, my friends, can see why.
have an un-regrettable year!
