sick of being sick.
i am sick, once again. as much as i want to heed my tutors' warnings about not having enough time to revise before the a levels come, i am unable to settle into the good routine i had back in term 1.
been sick for around 8 weeks now:
- first two weeks of June hols: ear infection. i actually thought i was going deaf because of the incessant ringing and sensitive ears and innocently went to call up Mr Glosz (sajc band conductor) for advice on hearing loss. haha!
- upon returning from my Perth trip (3rd week): bad flu from Australia! this one was the worst one. recovered last week. only to fall sick again..
- present day: god knows what. i think it could be a ear infection because my left ear is blocked. but it could be another cold because of 'the feeling' in my throat and the mucus in my rather blocked nose. perhaps a combination this time!
never been sick for such a long time in my life. a friend suggested this had psychological undertones and wants me to 'think healthy'. how one will be able to do that is still very much a mystery to me. mother suggests it was my piano exam combined with the strain from school. she also added that it was not wise to play water polo immediately after my piano exam. hahaha. all very feasible. i shall ask the doctor later. i remember what the previous one told me. picture the scene:
(
I enter the doctor's room clumsily handling a stack of photocopied notes.)doc: good afternoon! what are u suffering from?
ben: clogged ears, lumps in lymph nodes, fatigue, blocked nose and a rather itchy throat.
(
doc checks around for a bit)doc: you have an ear infection. probably from swimming without ear plugs. you were probably more vulnerable to it due to lack of rest.
ben: oh alright. so what do you think i should do?
doc: take the prescribed antibiotics and (
all-knowing sigh) try giving Resting a try.
ben: thanks, sir. (
fumbles with notes out of doctor's room)doc:
(slightly bemused) yes why don't you.. just take a break?
i have not been able to take a solid break, truth be told. i thought my 'break' would have been the Perth trip, but oh no, with the j1 leaders and the hectic schedule breathing up your neck, rest was not an option. all-day shopping isn't my idea of 'resting', either. that is not to say i regretted going on that marvelous trip. i guess sacrifices have to be made.
i have therefore come to conclude that a Policy Re-Establishment is required of me! at the start of the year, my policy was 'just try your best'. that was working very well, with my block test 1 results way exceeding my expectations. however, with the onset of my 'side-quests' and the tutors/principals pressuring, that policy, i think, has lost its way somehow. some people work better under immense pressure. i do not! the only thing pressure does to me is to undermine my ability to assimilate and consolidate information! hurried learning is haphazard and short term learning. also, with pressure, one tends to study 'for tests' and not for cognitive development (or other noble reasons haha). when that happens, studying becomes a hefty chore. this policy was my sec4 policy (after prelims. before prelims it was 'poly lah'.). think simple, think ahead. the a levels are just an examination. this is one of the reasons why i so treasure the conversations and friendship of Ong Yan Chen, who has been a good friend of mine since sec1. he has a clear and simple life policy. of course, mere escapism is not what i am attempting to promote here. embarking on mere escapism would mean that i am not fulfilling my potential; not even trying.
having said that, i must lay off my gaming. quakeIII arena has found its way back into my computer and i am proud to say that i defeated Xaero on Hardcore level last week. still, i think time will be better allocated on something else. normally i take one hour to rest off and 'cool down' every night, but come to think of it, Quake III isn't exactly relaxing. so there.
while blogging can be
very destructive, blogging (or just penning down your thoughts) can be productive. to put them down into something concrete (as compared to having them float around in ur mind's fluctuating moat), can give you a certain sense of clarity. it is like 'this is your policy, stick to it'. helps you to avoid being a US politician.
